Wednesday, April 15, 2015

I Do This I Do That: Chapter 30

XXX. I Do This I Do That

Tuan's car crept along the empty city streets as the sun rose above eastward apartment complexes and quiet boxy businesses in rows. We were all quiet now, and I listened to the hum of the old engine starting and stopping between the street lights. Tuan tapped his finger on the steering wheel and Wheeler made puffs of fog with his breath on the passenger window glass. We were heading to a bus station. Life was quietly stirring and waking on the sidewalks and streets around us, and the promise of a new day felt familiar.
"Where are we going?" Wheeler asked.
"Chicago, I guess." I muttered.

The station was closed, so Tuan said goodbye and we planned to waste time with a walk or a nap on a bench. Tuan's goodbye was warmer than we deserved, and this strangeness stuck with me. He meant all of his words as he patted Wheeler on the back and wished us the best. I gave him a hug and looked deep into his eyes. I saw love and craziness and a bit of confusion. He waved amicably out the window as he sped away.

I wanted orange juice so we walked to the convenient store on the corner from the bus station and devised ways to steal the juice, and maybe some bread or cookies, too. The bell of the door welcomed us as we walked in, eliciting the tired looking attendee to make a quiet note of our presence from behind the register. He was slobbish and dull looking. He gave us a nod then looked down towards his blue vest and whatever opening duties he was obligated to attend.

Wheeler motioned me coolly to divide into another aisle. He took an orange juice from the cooler and walked with a jazzy trot down the snack aisle, eyeing the attendant nonchalantly from over the edge. He put the juice in his pocket and quickly grabbed a box of cheese crackers and pressed them into his shirt. I watched awkwardly and suspiciously near the magazine rack. He shuffled towards the bathroom hallway and grabbed my arm as he pushed me into the bathroom and locked the door behind us.

"Breakfast is served." He whispered, covertly.

He took out the juice and drank exactly half in a few quick and desperate gulps. I drank the rest in a similar way as he opened the crackers and ate two at a time. I felt out of words, out of ideas, out of my mind. The day and time and place of my life mangled together into one disastrous scene. I could have been anywhere in any bathroom by any bus station in the country. I felt desperate for connection or feeling, and suddenly, before I registered this burst of desire, I was taking it out on Wheeler. I grabbed his gaunt cheeks and kissed him ravenously. He pulled me close to him and suddenly we were animalistic. His mouth was dry and he tasted like hot ash. He was bony and biting my lips and squeezing my hips with an intensity that catapulted us up against the wall. I wanted anything in that moment, and nothing at all.

The sex lasted only a few minutes, and when it was over we both took deep breaths and cleared our throats. Wheeler ate another cracker and zipped up his pants. We said nothing as I unlocked the door and walked outside. The attendee looked befuddled, but seemed to lack the gall to investigate into our behavior.

Outside more life stirred on the morning street, and something odd happened.

Wheeler walked out of the convenient store behind me, looking a bit mad and bug-eyed. His hands were in his pockets and he looked at me hysterically for just a moment, and then suddenly he began running down the sidewalk. I watched him run away into the distance, turning a corner at the next block without slowing his pace or looking back.

I stood dumbfounded, watching the street for a moment.

I walked to the bus station and bought a ticket for Chicago. I was almost completely out of money now, but I wasn't worried. I had nothing behind me and nothing before me as the heavy bus turned the corner out of the Minnesota bus station. The seats were filled with quiet strangers, sleeping or peeking out into the passing countryside.

The small trees and scattered houses looked bright under the ever rising sun. Fields of wheat and grass and rows of swaying trees dashed quickly passed the warm window. I thought of everything and nothing all at once. Time dragged on peacefully with the forward motion of the big ugly bus. Maybe I should move, I thought. Maybe I should visit home. Maybe I should get off at the next stop. Maybe I should sleep. I closed my eyes and soon heard the bus bellow and clamor as it tilted and hampered into a rest stop. I heard the strangers rise and shuffle off the bus. Click clack click clack click clack, the heavy steps descended and ascended the bus. I do this, I do that, I do this, I do that, their shoes echoed beyond me, out the open windows, into the risen sun.


THE END